Tag Archives: courage

What to do now?

So I have officially been out of work for a week. Now what?

I’m not sure. I have a couple of options laid out in front of me. One, I could try applying for jobs all over trying to get work. Two, I could try starting up my own consulting firm. Now there are a few drawbacks w/ both options.

Timing

As some of you know, I plan on returning to school in the winter and I am not certain how long I can guarantee an employer that I will be able to work for them. That immediately makes me not a very good candidate. We could be leaving as early as November or as late as January. No guarantees at this point. Plus, I’ll need time off to go down to Portland and find places where we’re going to live and establish new jobs down there.

Lack of jobs in the area

I was the last of my friends to become jobless. All of them are all still out of work and unable to find new jobs. Who am I to think that I’m going to be any different? Most of my friends are a lot smarter and better at what I do anyways; If they don’t have a chance, what chance do I have?

Where does that leave me?

Not 100% certain but more than likely I will be trying to start up my consulting business. I am not certain I can make enough money at it to be able to pay all of our bills. It requires some time to build a client base and as I stated above, I don’t have a ton of time to do that. We’ll see what God does next.

Photography

Not my work but a neat picture
Not my work but a neat picture

I always thought it would be neat to be a photographer. Or at least have a camera and go out and take the artistic photos. It’s a weird desire but I long to be artistic and expressive. I’ve been way too afraid to though. I’m hoping this new life will put me in a place where I have the courage to express and let myself be artistic.

Part of me thinks that I have too much of the views of the world still in me and caring what other people think. I know I say I shouldn’t care what other people think but a bit part of me still does. It’s a sad reality that I am trying to break. Because really in the end, the only opinion that matters is God’s. And I know where I stand with Him.

So anyways, in honor of my desire to become an artist and be artistic, I have created a flickr account. I don’t know if I’ll ever use it or do anything with it but I have made one and I am going to try and use it.

Flickr Photostream: http://www.flickr.com/photos/howie23/
Flickr Profile: http://www.flickr.com/people/howie23/

I want more

I’m in a place where I’m realizing I want more out of life. Right now my life is very simple and plain. Not a lot going on. The last big event that I had in my life, Spocon, has passed. Now the only things to occupy my time besides work, is planning worship services for church. And that’s on a very inconsistent schedule.

Seeing other people move on with their lives makes me realize how stagnant I’ve been. I’ve got friends that are getting married in the next week, I’ve got other friends releasing CD’s, and I have other friends truly living their dreams. I envy them.

I wish I had their courage to pursue my dreams. That lack of courage has kept me from being the musician I want to be. I never have the courage to share my own thoughts. Like right now, I’m paranoid people are going to find this blog and think I’m weird. It’s rough. But I need to learn to be vulnerable and share my words/music if God is going to use it. He will give me the courage.