There are days when I wonder, why do I write? What purpose do my words have? Who reads them?
From the lack of comments on some of my posts, I have a feeling that very few people actually read this, which is OK. I’m not maintaining this blog for the comments or the glory of knowing that people are reading my thoughts. I’m not seeking to get puffed up about my writing.
What I am seeking to do is to get into the practice of writing more. I want to write because I want to get in the habit of writing often. And not just blogging and putting a stream on conscience on paper. I wanna be able to write poetry and music and stories; maybe some day an actual book. Writing is not my passion but I enjoy having a place where I can speak my mind.
What my passion is though is music. I am discovering that I enjoy music and I enjoy making music. I want to get to the point some day where I trust myself enough to not only write words, but to share them. And not these words, these are just thoughts in my head but I want to be able to write about my deepest intimate thoughts and feel safe sharing them with those around me.
It is a very scary thought to sit down and share music or words that I’ve written down with people. It’s a vulnerability I know all too well. While I’ve never done it, the fear alone of sharing words paralyzes me into not even putting words on paper. I am working on it though. Nobody likes be vulnerable in front of people and I am no exception. In some cases I think of myself as the spokes person for not being vulnerable and trusting people.
I hope to get over that some day and this blog is helping. So, that’s I think the heart of why I write. I think God has blessed me with thoughts to be shared with those around me and He’s blessed me with a heart for music. I hope to someday be able to be vulnerable in front of people and I hope and pray that it turns out OK. Anyways, that’s all I’ve got for now.
Random character sketch I was inspired to write late at night
A dark and grey morning greeted the man as he stepped past the threshold of his door. He had been hoping for something more promising on such an important day. “Oh well,” he shrugged to himself as he trudged into the cold, “Hope the rest of my day doesn’t end up like the weather.”
He was a tall man, 6’5″, with somewhat curly hair and glasses that looked like they belonged in the 1950’s. While his original hair color was a dark brown, it had grown more salt and pepper-like with the passing of time. He was at one point a very muscular man, some might have even called him linebacker worthy, but now he carried several years of married food around his mid-section and his love handles no longer surprised him whenever they greeted him in the mirror.
He enjoyed a simple and content life. One filled with problems, as everyone has, but nothing so drastic or devastating that he couldn’t handle. He had two great kids, one a Junior in High School and the other going on their third year in the navy. His wife was the love of his life and they routinely went on romantic getaways to remember just how in love they were.
A big part of the reason he was able to enjoy life as much as he was was because of a deep rooted belief in God. The hope and assurance he found in the Creator made life so much more bearable. While he was uncertain about where his kids were in their faith walks, he knew they all had chosen to follow God and have Jesus Christ be their Lord and Savior. What a blessing.
As the few of you that follow my blog have probly noticed, I’ve been very lax in making updates lately. So I decided to try and get back on track by digging up a writing prompt to see if it’ll help get some of those writing juices flowing. I found this one posted on Live Journal this afternoon.
If you had one night left to live, what would you do? Would you prefer to spend your final night with a loved one or alone? What would you choose for your last meal?
That’s a very easy question for me. I would absolutely spend it with my wife. I would want to do something I’ve never done before. Maybe play at an open mic night or something like that. My last meal would definitely be pizza. Probly from either Pizza Hut or Rocky Roccocco’s in downtown Spokane. Pepperoni pizza with a Dr. Pepper drink. Mmmm… that sounds really good.
This question does remind me of a man who had the ability to answer that question. Randy Pausch was a professor at Carnegie Melon and he had been given six months left to live from an inoperable tumor. He was given the opportunity to answer the question “If you could give one last lecture, what would you say?” While I don’t agree with some of the things he says, he’s got some really good things to say. It’s a long lecture but worth watching.
I was working on worship for this Sunday and I had a bit of inspiration so I wrote what came to me. Not sure if I’ll ever do anything w/ it but it’s the first time I’ve written creatively like that in a long time. Enjoy!
I can’t think of words to describe the joy we’ll see
At the place we’ll be, with Jesus Thee
What a joy, what a thrill, with Jesus still
Carrying out The Creator’s Will
Not mine but thine be done
We will dance and sing
Around Jesus we will swing
Arms held high, and praises rise
To the Almighty King of everything
One with the Son in Glory
The bridegroom to the Man
The word, made flesh, alive again
Living breathing moving doing
Almighty King of Creation
Sin is gone, death is done
There is nothing but life in Christ
What a joy it will be, to see
My Jesus, face to face with Thee
Post about worship planning for this weekend is incoming.
I’m in a place where I’m realizing I want more out of life. Right now my life is very simple and plain. Not a lot going on. The last big event that I had in my life, Spocon, has passed. Now the only things to occupy my time besides work, is planning worship services for church. And that’s on a very inconsistent schedule.
Seeing other people move on with their lives makes me realize how stagnant I’ve been. I’ve got friends that are getting married in the next week, I’ve got other friends releasing CD’s, and I have other friends truly living their dreams. I envy them.
I wish I had their courage to pursue my dreams. That lack of courage has kept me from being the musician I want to be. I never have the courage to share my own thoughts. Like right now, I’m paranoid people are going to find this blog and think I’m weird. It’s rough. But I need to learn to be vulnerable and share my words/music if God is going to use it. He will give me the courage.
What is it about the coffee shop that everyone likes? Are we, as a people, wannabe beatnik’s in disguise? Why is Starbuck’s one of the largest food chains in the world? Why is it that one little drink has become such a huge driving force our country?
As someone who is trying to turn over a new leaf, I often think of coffee shops as a safe place to let my creative juices flow. I have a strong urge to write or draw (which I’m terrible at) anytime I walk into a coffee shop. As a matter of fact, I started writing this post in a Starbuck’s in Seattle on 6th Ave. & Stewart St. As someone who wants to find out what it means to be a starving artist, coffee shops are a haven for me to practice my craft. While I’ve never been one for writing a lot, I do enjoy it and I want to learn to be more consistent in it. I can think of no better place to begin than a coffee shop.
Maybe intimacy is the answer. As I write this, there is a couple sitting less than 5 feet from me and I have no idea what they’re saying. Not from lacking listening, that’s for sure. :p. Having the decor Starbuck’s does portrays a sense that things are calm and there is no need to rush through life. Ironic that they serve a caffeine drink and want to provide a place for someone to relax/destress before their day starts.
While I may not have an answer, what I do know is that Starbuck’s and coffee shops in general have become an integral part of American culture. I’ve always wondered how they changed from the eccentric artist hang out to the central meeting place for most college students and quite a few business people. Maybe coffee shops have always been popular and my perception of them has changed. While I’m not a coffee drinker, more and more of my friends are and they enjoy meeting over a cup of coffee.
In the end my thoughts on coffee and their shops doesn’t matter. They’re here, they’re a great place to hang out, and they won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.