There are days when I wonder, why do I write? What purpose do my words have? Who reads them?
From the lack of comments on some of my posts, I have a feeling that very few people actually read this, which is OK. I’m not maintaining this blog for the comments or the glory of knowing that people are reading my thoughts. I’m not seeking to get puffed up about my writing.
What I am seeking to do is to get into the practice of writing more. I want to write because I want to get in the habit of writing often. And not just blogging and putting a stream on conscience on paper. I wanna be able to write poetry and music and stories; maybe some day an actual book. Writing is not my passion but I enjoy having a place where I can speak my mind.
What my passion is though is music. I am discovering that I enjoy music and I enjoy making music. I want to get to the point some day where I trust myself enough to not only write words, but to share them. And not these words, these are just thoughts in my head but I want to be able to write about my deepest intimate thoughts and feel safe sharing them with those around me.
It is a very scary thought to sit down and share music or words that I’ve written down with people. It’s a vulnerability I know all too well. While I’ve never done it, the fear alone of sharing words paralyzes me into not even putting words on paper. I am working on it though. Nobody likes be vulnerable in front of people and I am no exception. In some cases I think of myself as the spokes person for not being vulnerable and trusting people.
I hope to get over that some day and this blog is helping. So, that’s I think the heart of why I write. I think God has blessed me with thoughts to be shared with those around me and He’s blessed me with a heart for music. I hope to someday be able to be vulnerable in front of people and I hope and pray that it turns out OK. Anyways, that’s all I’ve got for now.